


You’re chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

by hoHbOi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - America, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, M/M, Omegle, Snapchat, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-05-13 02:02:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19241572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoHbOi/pseuds/hoHbOi
Summary: Modern American teenager Sirius finds himself incredibly bored one summer night. One state over Remus Lupin is experiencing the same. Enter Omegle, an anonymous chat site that serves bored teenagers and creepy old men alike.Yes this is a Wolfstar fic. Yes this is a text fic.





	1. omegle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius in bold (You) 
> 
> Remus in plain text (Stranger)

_You’re chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!_  

 _You both like magic._  

Stranger: hello 

 **You: hey**  

Stranger: what up 

 **You:** **just bored** **hbu**  

Stranger: yea bout the same 

 **You: s** **o** **like magic?**  

Stranger: yep 

Stranger: can u do any? 

 **You:** **yeah lol**  

Stranger: like actual magic or just sleight of hand 

 **You: actual lol**  

Stranger: idk if I believe u tho 

 **You: why not**  

Stranger: u could be lying 

Stranger: what REAL magic do u know 

 **You: wait** **wait**   **wait**  

 **You: what about you**  

Stranger: what about me

 **You: do you have magic**  

Stranger: yeah lmao that’s why I put the tag 

 **You: well how am I supposed to believe u if u** **wont** **even** **believe** **m** **e?**  

Stranger: have faith 

 **You: no**  

Stranger: ouch 

Stranger: how old are you anyway 

 **You: promise** **youre** **not a perv**  

Stranger: I promise 

 **You: 15**  

Stranger: oh dip me too 

 **You: really**  

Stranger: yes 

 **You: pronouns? If u** **wanna** **share** **idc**  

Stranger: he/him wbu 

 **You: same**  

Stranger: okay mystery magic boi  

 **You:** **😊**  

 **You** **: what do I** **gotta** **do to make u tell more** **abt** **your magic**  

Stranger: strip. 

Stranger: jkjk don’t leave that was a joke 

 **You** **:** **oh** **so I should put my shirt back on?**  

Stranger: well lets not get hasty  

Stranger: if ur willing to strip for strange magical boys you met online, im not about to stop you..... 

Stranger: just switch us to video chat first........... 

 **You** **: fool! I never took my shirt off in the first place**  

 **You** **: you never should have trusted me**  

Stranger: too late I already finished jerking it to the idea of u shirtless 

Stranger: another joke I swear im not a perv 

 **You** **: idk** **whats** **less funny, your jokes or the fact that you explain them after**  

Stranger: are you teasing me for being nice 

 **You** **: maybe I am**  

Stranger: this is why I point out my jokes, idk if ur joking or not rn  

 **You** **:** **im** **joking**  

Stranger: hilarious 

 **You** **:** **was that sarcastic**  

Stranger: whats sarcasm 

 **You** **: fuck u that was a joke right**  

Stranger: oh im sorry do you want me to point them out for you? 

 **You** **: fuck**  

 **You** **: u**  

 **You** **: that was a joke** **im** **not mad**  

Stranger: thank u for the explanation! 

Stranger: where u from magic boi 

 **You** **:** **philly** **wbu**  

Stranger: oh dip im from baltimore 

Stranger: that’s like,, close 

 **You: wow small world**  

Stranger: guess so 

 **You:** **so** **if were in the same time zone, what** **tf** **u doing up at 4 am**  

Stranger: couldn’t sleep wbu 

 **You: same lol**  

Stranger: im just in a lotta pain so sleep aint rly gonna happen 

Stranger: and my room is so fucking hot wwhy is it 80 degrees 

 **You: yikes I hate sleeping when** **im** **too hot**  

 **You: I always keep like ten cooling charms on my blankets in the summer**  

Stranger: cooling charms??  

 **You: I thought u said u had magic**  

Stranger: yea 

 **You: prove it**  

Stranger: huh 

 **You:** **whats** **ur snap**  

 **You:** **so** **u can send a video**  

Stranger: im not sending nudes if that’s what u want 

 **You:** **ew** **no thanks**  

 **You: my computer might die soon but I don’t** **wanna** **lose u**  

Stranger: awww :) 

Stranger: I don’t wanna lose u either 

 **You:** **smh** **I just** **wanna** **see if u have magic**  

 **You: so** **whats** **your snap**  

Stranger: moony778 

 **You: okay**  

 **You:** **youre** **added**  

Stranger: wtf does padfoot mean 

 **You:** **fucj** **you that’s what it means**  

Stranger: lets switch to snap byeeee padfoot 

 **You: bye moony**  

 _Stranger has disconnected._  


	2. snapchat i

 

 _Snapchat conversation with moony778_  

 **Sirius: hey magic boy**  

Remus: nahh thats your nickname 

 **Sirius: wait is your name rly** **remus** **or is that fake**  

Remus: yeah that’s my name 

Remus: don’t murder me or anything now 

 **Sirius: I mean I don’t have a common name either**  

Remus: yea I don’t know any other Sirius’s  

Remus: should be pretty easy to find u, 15 year old sirius who lives in philly 

 **Sirius: pls don’t**  

Remus: I wont dw 

 **Sirius: thx bb**  

 **Sirius: now send nudes**  

 **Sirius: jk I j wanna see your face**  

Remus: same for you I still don’t know if youre a pedophile 

 _Video snap delivered to moony778._  

Remus: were u listening to Taylor Swift 

Remus: why did u send me a video of u lip syncing Dress by Taylor Swift 

 **Sirius:** **bc** **it slaps next question**  

Remus: fair point 

 _Photo snap received from moony778._  

 **Sirius: aww your cute**  

Remus: *you’re 

 **Sirius: o rly?**  

 **Sirius: compliment retracted then.**  

Remus: hey u can’t do that 

 **Sirius: says who**  

Remus: says me 

 **Sirius: but u have no authority over me so I can do whatever I want**  

Remus: ill tell on u 

Remus: im calling your mom  

 **Sirius:** **oh** **merlin pls no**  

 **Sirius: u do not** **wanna** **talk to my mom she is a horrible person**  

Remus: im already calling her 

Remus: she answered 

Remus: now we are sharing stories about how annoying you are 

Remus: oh she just asked me on a date! 

Remus: you wouldn’t mind if I fucked your mom right? 

 **Sirius:** **shes** **all yours**  

Remus: great! Looks like youll have to call me dad now huh 

 **Sirius:** **oh** **that’s kinky but** **im** **down**  

Remus: I- 

 **Sirius: my mother is** **actually horrible** **you really shouldn’t go on that date**  

Remus: that was a joke 

Remus: shes not my type 

 **Sirius: you haven’t even met her**  

Remus: you just said she was horrible?? 

 **Sirius: yeah but I could have lied**  

Remus: did u tho 

 **Sirius:** **no** **she should** **rlly** **be arrested**  

Remus: so its fair to say shes not my type 

Remus: im not into criminals 

 **Sirius:** **so** **you don’t want to see me in handcuffs?**  

Remus: no  

 **Sirius:** **🙁** **but daddy**  

Remus: im not dating your mother you don’t have to call me that 

 **Sirius: yes daddy**  

Remus: STOP 

 **Sirius: fine**  

 _Video snap delivered to moony778._  

Remus: I like your hair 

 **Sirius:** **thanks** **I grew it myself**  

Remus: hah. 

 **Sirius: why do I feel like** **thats** **a fake laugh**  

Remus: bc it is 

 **Sirius: oh**  

 **Sirius: one day** **ill** **make you laugh for real**  

Remus: god I hope so 

 **Sirius: ..**  

 **Sirius:** **im** **actually rly** **funny so**  

Remus: proof??? 

 **Sirius:** **smh** **do I have to call my friends or something**  

Remus: yes 

Remus: go on. Do it  

Remus: call your ‘friends’ 

 **Sirius: fuck u I have friends**  

 **Sirius:** **theres** **james** **and lily and peter and** **mary**   

Remus: those are like the four most generic names ever 

 **Sirius: they’re real people!!!**  

Remus: fine I believe u 

 **Sirius: thank u**  

Remus: so call them 

 **Sirius:** **im** **not** **gonna** **call them**  

Remus: but u promised 

 **Sirius: what would calling them prove**  

Remus: nothing I just want to make u call you friends at 4 am 

 **Sirius: yea they asleep**  

Remus: that’s too bad 

 **Sirius: you’re mean**  

Remus: sorry 

 **Sirius: its ok**  

Remus: good 

 **Sirius: so**  

 **Sirius: show me magic!!!!**  

Remus: im not that good at it 

 **Sirius: yeah but do u know any spells**  

Remus: umm no? 

 **Sirius** **: ??** **What do u know** **then**  

Remus: I can just like make weird things happen 

 **Sirius: are u fucking with me**  

 **Sirius: do you have magic or not** **bc** **im** **not about to break the statute of secrecy**  

Remus: the what 

 **Sirius:** **oh** **ok** **nevermind**  

Remus: now you’re fucking with me 

 **Sirius:** **im** **not but go off**  

 **Sirius:** **so** **I think** **im** **gonna** **leave now**  

Remus: why 

 **Sirius:** **bc** **your** **obv** **not a wizard**  

Remus: I do have magic if that’s what u mean 

Remus: you’re the one that hasn’t shown me any proof 

 **Sirius: if u can do magic then send a video**  

Remus: fine 

Remus: only because I don’t want u to leave 

 _Video snap received from moony778._  

 **Sirius: okay so I was wrong**  

 **Sirius: I am a big enough person to admit that**  

Remus: see! Magic 

 **Sirius:** **yeah** **I saw u made the plant grow really fast**  

 **Sirius: it was like one of those time lapses of plants growing from nature documentaries**  

Remus: yes but it was real 

 **Sirius: I believe u**  

Remus: okay now ive shown u mine u show me urs 

 **Sirius: I** **cant** **its summer**  

Remus: what does that have to do with it 

 **Sirius:** **im** **not allowed to use magic outside of school**  

 **Sirius: do you know anyone else with magic**  

Remus: no 

 **Sirius: so not your parents or**  

Remus: nope 

 **Sirius: okay that explains it**  

 **Sirius:** **youre** **a muggle born**  

Remus: a what 


	3. snapchat ii

_Snapchat conversation with moony778 at 05:38._

**Sirius: a** **muggle born**  

 **Sirius:** **its** **a person who was born w magic but has both muggle parents**  

Remus: whats muggle mean 

 **Sirius: non magical person**  

 **Sirius: u don’t know anything about the wizarding world?**  

Remus: no? Is this some kind of joke 

 **Sirius: yikes I really shouldn’t be the one to introduce you to all of this**  

Remus: ?? 

 **Sirius: okay so** **I'll** **give u the gist of it**  

Remus: the gist of what 

 **Sirius: let me type!**  

 **Sirius: alright, magic is** **real** **but u already knew that**  

 **Sirius: people who have, use, and study magic are called witches and wizards**  

 **Sirius: witches and wizards have their own secret and mostly separate society from muggles**  

 **Sirius: we have a government run by witches and wizards and make laws about our society**  

 **Sirius: we also have schools that teach students magic from age 11 to 17**  

 **Sirius: I go to one of these schools**  

 **Sirius: most of the time a child with at least one magical parent will have magic**  

 **Sirius: and usually the child of two muggles does not have magic**  

 **Sirius: but sometimes two muggle parents have a magical child, a** **muggle born**  

 **Sirius: because u said that your parents don’t have magic, you’re probably a muggle born**  

 **Sirius: get it?**  

Remus: am I allowed to type now? 

 **Sirius: ofc**  

Remus: I don’t know if I believe u 

 **Sirius: you have magic so obvi that much is true**  

Remus: BUT it makes as much sense as anything else 

 **Sirius: thank u**  

Remus: are muggle borns not allowed into your society? Like why hasn’t someone told me this before 

 **Sirius:** **no** **I go to school with a lot of muggle** **borns**  

 **Sirius: when you were 11 you should have gotten a letter inviting you to attend school**  

Remus: I definitely never got that 

 **Sirius: idk why maybe they made a mistake**  

Remus: my address changed a lot as a child 

 **Sirius: I guess that could be it**  

Remus: question 2, what do u learn in school 

 **Sirius: a lot**  

 **Sirius: charms, transfiguration, potions, care of magical creatures, defense against the dark arts, divination, arithmancy, herbology, astronomy, ancient runes, history of magic**  

 **Sirius: I don’t take all those but that’s most of the classes offered**  

Remus: that is a lot 

Remus: making a plant grow feels kinda lame now 

 **Sirius: hey you haven’t had any magical education at all**  

 **Sirius: for wordless wandless magic that’s** **really good**  

 **Sirius: most wizards need a wand and a spell to do something like that**  

Remus: you guys use wands? 

 **Sirius: oh yeah for everything**  

Remus: I still don’t know if you’re making this all up 

 **Sirius: I'm not**  

 **Sirius: hold up let me get my wand**  

 **Sirius: I can’t do magic with it when I'm not at** **school** **but I'll show u it**  

 _Photo snap delivered to moony778._  

Remus: that’s a stick it doesn’t prove anything 

 **Sirius: don’t insult my baby**  

Remus: sorry? 

 **Sirius:** **yes** **u should be**  

Remus: question whatever number I'm on, do I need to get a wand? 

 **Sirius:** **uhh** **idk**  

 **Sirius: magic is really difficult to do without a wand**  

Remus: its not that hard for me.. 

 **Sirius: rly? That’s cool**  

Remus: but I want a wand now 

 **Sirius: I think there are some rules on having to be educated before being able to use a wand without supervision**  

 **Sirius: idk the laws but it’s a bit late for you to start school**  

Remus: that figures 

 **Sirius: there must be a way for people to learn as adults**  

Remus: its fine lmao I don’t want to quit my school anyway 

 **Sirius: omg do u go to a muggle** **high school**  

Remus: yes of course I do 

 **Sirius: that’s so cool what’s it like**  

Remus: its fine 

 **Sirius: sounds fascinating!**  

Remus: sarcasm? 

 **Sirius: sorry I forgot to point that out for you**  

Remus: youre forgiven 

 **Sirius: if you want to learn more about magic you could study books**  

Remus: where would I get those 

 **Sirius: magical book stores**  

Remus: and where r those 

 **Sirius: there’s usually a hidden magical part of any major city**  

 **Sirius: but idk how to get to the one in** **baltimore**  

Remus: that’s really helpful then thanks 

 **Sirius: I could send u my old textbooks?**  

Remus: could u? 

 **Sirius: I mean I still don’t really know** **u** **but I'd be willing**  

Remus: deadass? 

 **Sirius:** **yeah** **I don’t need them anymore**  

Remus: that would be so great 

Remus: I'll give you the address of the post office nearby though 

Remus: no offense but I'm not ready to hand out my address yet 

 **Sirius: that’s fair**  

Remus: okay its 7391 Manco Rd, Baltimore MD, 21227 

 **Sirius: I'll have to get my muggle born friend to help me use the post but** **honestly** **ur worth it** **remus**  

Remus: aw thanks 

Remus: thx sm for telling me all this 

Remus: and just talking to me tonight 

Remus: like actually you don’t know I was having a terrible night before we started chatting 

 **Sirius: can I ask what was wrong?**  

Remus: u can ask but I'm not gonna tell u lmao 

 **Sirius: that’s fair**  

Remus: anyway I think I'm ready to go to sleep now considering its almost 6 am 

Remus: but let’s talk again tomorrow 

Remus: I have so much more to learn about magic 

 **Sirius: goodnight then**  

 **Sirius: see you in the morning**  

_Moony778 left the chat at 05:58._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot of explaining for Sirius to do...
> 
> drop a comment if you enjoyed or hated honestly i'd love to know either way


	4. snapchat iii

_ Snapchat conversation with moony778 at 09:04. _

Remus: gm magic boy

** Sirius: technically were both magic boys so **

Remus: shhh

** Sirius: how did u sleep? **

Remus: very well thanks for asking

Remus: wbu?

** Sirius: I also slept very peacefully for the three hours since we stopped chatting **

Remus: can u remind me what we were doing staying up until 6 in the morning?

** Sirius: being total idiots that’s what **

Remus: actually  tho  can u tell me what we talked about because  Im  not sure what was real or what I imagined in a sleep deprived craze

** Sirius: I saved the chats scroll up dumbass **

Remus: …

Remus: I may still be sleep deprived

** Sirius: yeah maybe **

Remus: stop sending messages  im  trying read the chats

Remus: okay I read them

Remus: so I didn’t dream the whole wizarding world thing

** Sirius: nope **

Remus: huh

** Sirius: you good? **

Remus: yes 

Remus: just thinking

** Sirius: about? **

Remus: you said last night that most of the time magic parents have magic kids

** Sirius: this is true **

Remus: well I never knew my parents 

Remus: maybe they were magic?

** Sirius: that could be true **

** Sirius: do you know anything about them? **

Remus: just their names

** Sirius: well this is a long shot but maybe I would know the name **

** Sirius: my family is  ** ** really weird ** **  and as a kid I was forced to memorize the names of hundreds of people  ** ** im ** **  very distantly related to  **

Remus: ok?

Remus: they were Hope and Lyall Lupin

** Sirius: sorry I don’t recognize them **

Remus:  its  okay I didn’t think u would

** Sirius: but that doesn’t mean your parents aren’t wizards **

** Sirius: it just means  ** ** im ** **  not related to them **

Remus: did your fam really make you memorize hundreds of names

** Sirius: yes **

Remus: that’s wack

** Sirius: trust me  ** ** thats ** **  one of the more normal things about my family **

Remus: well now  im  interested

Remus: what skeletons are hiding in your family’s closet

** Sirius: don’t joke about that my parents have literally killed people **

Remus: I know nothing about this magic world so I don’t know if you’re joking or is murder commonplace for wizards

** Sirius: hate to tell you this but the answer to both is no **

Remus: yeah right 

** Sirius: anyway...  ** ** im ** **  about to call my friend lily and get her help using the muggle post **

** Sirius:  ** ** so ** **  I can send u books remember **

Remus: omg thanks

Remus: is lily a muggle born too

** Sirius:  ** ** yes ** **  but she goes to school with me **

** Sirius:  ** ** also ** **** ** shes ** **  not really my friend actually  ** ** kinda ** **  hates me but she owes me a favor **

Remus: omg sis spill the tea why does she hate u

** Sirius: did u rly just say spill the tea **

Remus: I said it to get a rise out of u

Remus: did it work

** Sirius: I guess  ** ** youre ** **  not here to see  ** ** it ** **  but I rolled my eyes really hard **

Remus: perfect

Remus: so spill

** Sirius:  ** ** Ill ** **  tell u the whole story another time but  ** ** basically ** **  she’s friends with a complete dick and doesn’t like me because my friends and I are the only ones brave enough to call him out on it **

Remus: you’re sounding a little biased

** Sirius: shut up and be on my side **

** Sirius:  ** ** im ** **  sending u books u  ** ** have to ** **  be nice to me **

Remus: Wow That Was So Brave Of You! What A Hero! 

Remus: So Handsome And Strong! 

** Sirius: I know ur trying to be  ** ** sarcastic ** **  but it is a fact that I am handsome and strong **

Remus: I -

Remus: why does she owe u a favor

** Sirius: so last year I took the blame for her and g ** ** ot a bunch of detentions and now she owes me **

Remus: what was she doing

** Sirius:  ** ** im ** **  not supposed to say  ** ** 😉 **

Remus: alas, now I really want to know

** Sirius: another time perhaps  **

** Sirius:  ** ** anyway ** **** ** im ** **  going to call her now **

Remus: tell lily I say hi

** Sirius:  ** ** of course ** **  I will **

_ You left the conversation at 09:12. _


	5. NSA monitored phone call i

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this story I'm going to be ignoring everything canon about magic in the US, and basically moving everything over from England. And then I had this idea that the US (muggle) government would keep tabs on people they suspect have magic for national security.

_NSA monitored phone call from_ _SMP (Suspected Magical Person)_ _215-557-0940_ _to 215-592-8534._  

**“Hey Lily!”**

“Who is this?” 

 **“You don’t have my number saved? Wow.”**  

“You still haven’t answered my question.” 

 **“It’s Sirius Black.”**  

“What the hell do you want, Black.” 

 **“Language, Ms. Evans! Jesus is listening.”**  

 _Monitors Note: This exchange could be code indicating that the call is insecure. Subject may be aware of observation._  

“I’m going to hang up if you don’t have a reason for calling.” 

 **“Wait - Wait- I'm calling in the favor.”**  

“Shit.” 

 **“Hey, don’t get that attitude about it. I’m not going to ask you to do anything terrible.”**  

“I put no value in what you deem ‘not terrible’.” 

 **“I have morals.”**  

“Really? You once flooded every bathroom in the school. I cannot believe someone with morals would do that to a castle full of teenagers.” 

 **“That wasn’t me, that was Moaning Myrtle!”**  

“I know you coerced her into doing it.” 

 **“I would never.”**  

“I’m just not sure how you did it. I’ve never seen anyone make her do anything.” 

 **“...”**  

 **“It was really easy once I started flirting with her.”**  

“So you admit your guilt!” 

 **“-Hypothetically! If- I said IF! If I did it, it would have been easy once I flirted with her. Hypothetically.”**  

“Mhmm. Despite how entertaining this conversation has been, you still haven’t given me a good reason not to hang up.” 

 **“The favor! You owe me one after I took the fall for you when you were-”**  

“Yes! Yes, I know; you don’t have to say it.” 

 _Monitors Note: Subject is cut off before saying revealing information._  

 **“Well you owe me. And now I’m calling it in.”**  

“Okay, but I have a few rules. Nothing that will violate wizarding or muggle laws. Nothing that will get me thrown out of school. Nothing that risks me getting seriously injured or traumatized.” 

 **“Lily, you are so boring sometimes. Fine, nothing fun.”**  

“Oh, and I’m leaving for Cape Cod in two days and I would be really pissed if this dumb favor makes me miss it.” 

 **“Going to visit Marlene, are you?”**  

“Yes. How’d you know?” 

 **“Uh... She lives in Cape Cod, Lily this isn’t** **Auror** **work.”**  

“I just didn’t know you were friends.” 

 **“Marlene’s hilarious; why wouldn’t we be friends?”**  

“I dunno.” 

 **“Well, don’t worry Lily! I only need an afternoon of your time for some completely safe and legal activities.”**  

 _Monitor's Note:The specifications of ‘safe’ and ‘legal’ may be attempts to throw off eavesdroppers from their true illegal acts._  

“Do you already have something in mind?” 

 **“Yep.”**  

“Do I get to know what?” 

 **“You’re going to instruct me on using the muggle post.”**  

“Is that it?” 

 **“Yeah.”**  

“That’s easy. Just Google it.” 

 **“I tried. It was incredibly confusing. Can you just do it for me?”**  

“Yeah. What do you need to mail?” 

 **“I’m sending my old textbooks from first year to a friend.”**  

“Who?” 

 **“You don’t know him. His name is Remus.”**  

“Remus?” 

 **“Yes. He says hi.”**  

“Remus says hi to me?” 

 **“Yeah I told him I was** **gonna** **call you.”**  

“Okay... Why are you using muggle mail?” 

 **“Because he lives with muggles.”**  

“I’m confused. Is he going into first year?” 

 **“** **No,** **he’s fifteen.”**  

“But he doesn’t go to Hogwarts.” 

 **“He never got his letter.** **That’s why I’m giving him the books.** **”**  

“So, he’s a muggle born then?” 

 **“Yeah. He lives in Baltimore** **, hence the need to send them in the mail** **.”**  

“If he lives in Baltimore, how did you meet?” 

 **“You know the website** **Omegle** **?”**  

“Oh my god Sirius.” 

 **“** **So,** **you know it?”**  

“Yes. It’s literally a way to meet strangers online. That’s so dangerous-” 

 **“** **Calm down Lily, I’m not asking you to meet him. Just help me send the books.”**  

“Fine. Just know that I don’t approve.” 

 **“Cool and I don’t care.”**  

“Are you sure that he’s not cat fishing you?” 

 **“Yes.”**  

“Do you know his last name?” 

 **“Yes.”**  

“Have you seen his face?” 

 **“Yes.”**  

“Is he cute?” 

 **“Yes- wait!”**  

 _Monitor’s Note: Person on receiving end can be heard laughing away from the phone._  

 **“You tricked me. That’s not fair.”**  

“Fine, Black. I’ll help you send books to your internet crush.” 

 **“** **He’s not my crush but** **whatever** **...** **Can you meet today?”**  

“Yeah, sure.” 

 **“How about that pizza place? Remember the one James and I saw you in last winter break?”**  

“Sure, I remember. You hit my sister with a snowball.” 

 _Monitor’s Note: Subjects are referring to location without providing details that could allow us to follow them._  

 **“Yeah that’s the one. And honestly, I was aiming for you.”**  

“Thanks Black, that makes me feel a million times better. The pizza there is great; are we getting some or just meeting there?” 

 **“Of course, we’re getting some! Lily, why would I ask to meet you at a pizza place and not get pizza?”**  

“Because that sounds like a cruel joke and you love cruel jokes.” 

 **“I don’t joke about pizza.”**  

“Sure. What time?” 

 **“Does noon work?”**  

“Yep.” 

 **“Alright, see you then.** **Oh,** **and Lily?”**  

“Yes?” 

 **“You’re paying.”**  

 _Monitor’s Note: The person on the receiving end of the call let out a suspiciously long sigh right here._  

“I suppose I do owe you the favor.” 

 _NSA monitored phone call from SMP (Suspected Magical Person) 215-557-0940 to 215-592-8534_ _ended._  

 


	6. snapchat iv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> god this fic is the most self indulgent thing ive ever written

_ Snapchat conversation with moony778 at 12:09 _

_ Photo snap delivered to moony778. _

Remus: is that lily?

** Sirius: yep **

Remus: tell her I like her hair

** Sirius: she says thanks **

Remus: she sounds lovely

** Sirius: she is! **

_ Photo snap delivered to moony778. _

Remus: and u got pizza???

Remus: im jealous

** Sirius: u should b **

** Sirius: this is the best pizza in  ** ** philly **

Remus: mail me some

** Sirius: it would get cold **

Remus: I could put it in the microwave

** Sirius: the WHAT **

Remus: do wizards not have those???

** Sirius:  ** ** uhh **

Remus: ask lily about it

Remus: did u ask her

** Sirius: yea  ** ** shes ** **  still trying to explain it **

Remus: that’s kind of her

** Sirius: I think  ** ** its ** **  rather annoying **

Remus: tell lily  im  sorry that she has to spend time with a complete dunce like you

** Sirius: hey!! **

Remus: did u tell her

** Sirius: yes **

** Sirius: she called u a cyber bully **

** Sirius: what is a cyber bully **

Remus: it’s a really handsome and clever man

** Sirius: that’s not what lily said **

Remus: what does she know

** Sirius:  ** ** im ** **  still not going to send you pizza **

Remus:  🙁

Remus: that makes me sad

** Sirius: tough **

Remus:  🙁

** Sirius:  ** ** anyway ** **  I have to go to the POST OFFICE to mail YOU some BOOKS for FREE right now **

Remus: thank you!!!!!!!!11!!1!!!1

** Sirius: talk l8r  ** ** 😊 **

Remus: bye


End file.
